takes two to tango
Friday, May 06, 2005
He's Just Not That Into You vs. 10 Meter Restraining Order
Some time March, I came across the book, He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys. (Actually, my sister bought the book and asked me to read it since she was still trying to finish her own thick book.)
There were so many things in that 210 page book that I, myself, could have told anyone--and I do mean ANYONE! Girl or guy! I mean, the titles of every chapter written in the book are logical by themselves:
1. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out.
Yes. You talk non-stop on the phone till the wee hours in the morning, you text each other funny and sweet messages, and you always talk about when you do get together--for the past 2 months? 3 weeks? 6 days?
Like that guy who always claimed that he was busy with work and keeps telling you in that sweet voice, "Kasi it's your fault, you didn't make it the last time---you're the one always cancelling on me." Then when you do start planning, he's always busy.
2. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You.
Ok. You had a great time on YM that one night. Then there was this time when he was caling you non-stop. There even that bombing that happened, and as soon as he got home from the hospital, you were the first person he called. Then when his land line was cut, all you guys did was text. Then 2 weeks pass and he still hasn't paid his line--to which you don't know the number (as if naman you'll call him up). Then another week Then another week.
"I'll pay it siguro next week. Tinatamad pa ako. Hehehe. When I get the line back, sige I'll call you." Get the picture? You're just not interesting enough anymore...
3. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You.
You always see each other! You're always having a good time when you're out. So what if you're always in a group of 3 or 4 or 10 or 15... Hmm... You never seem to be alone together.
Sad thing is his text messages read as: "Wna hang wid me and my frends frm college? Mis u na eh" or "Hir at d mall. Muvi tau ni Girlie n Boyet". Dates are supposed to be one on one, where you can both get to know each other better.
4. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex With You.
Here's one guy, he really wants to boink someone. Meets up with a friend's friend. He's all excited. Even asks you for directions. Then he gets to the place, dressed in a "trying-not-to-look-cool-but-hopefully-I-am" way, waits for the date who eventually turns out to be in another coffee shop three blocks down. He walks all the way to the coffee shop and looks for the "girl in pink" when...
GODZILLA comes in and blocks the view of..... wait, Godzilla's in pink. Look to the left... No one in pink there... Look to the right... No one in pink--wait, nahhh... Meeting with a girl... A girl who sounded so cute on the phone. Sounded so worldly... So boinkable... So... So... "Oh hello again, limp noodle."
5. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex With Someone Else.
"I was drunk" or "I thought we were in an open relationship" just doesn't cut the cake. Cheating is cheating is cheating is CHEATING. And it's not your fault if you were the one cheated on.
6. He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He's Drunk.
Remember:
1 beer or alcoholic drink of preference (sober) = "You have got to be kidding."
5 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (had a few) = "Not so bad to talk to."
10 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (few more) = "I think I'd like to kiss you."
15 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (ok, more toasts) = "Let's make out."
20 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (for the road) = Boinky. Boinky. Boinky.
7. He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want to Marry You.
You've been out officially as a couple for 8 years. Sure you don't look as hot as you did then, but hey you can still turn heads. His parents know your parents and they've been mahjong partners since you were still running around the house being chased by your yaya.
"I'm still planning on taking my masters degree, then my doctorate, then my European tour..." That should get you saying, "Next!!!"
8. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You.
Something must be terribly wrong with you if you still think he wants you.
9. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared On You.
"He's asleep eh."
"He's at the office."
"Wala. Natutulog. Kumakain."
"Try the upstairs phone."
"He just got home and is so sleepy."
"He---"
I can take the hint.
Click.
10. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married ( and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)
This is not An Affair to Remember and he's no Cary Grant who'll leave everything to be with you; but you might as well be a Deborah Kerr and get yourself crippled trying to chase him.
11. He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak.
If you end up having to make excuses for the person all the time, then there's something totally wrong with that person. No "but's". Just stop it.
vs. The 10 Meter Restraining Order
You're walking in the mall, minding your own business, thinking you look cute in your outfit. You're hoping you can catch the attention of a cute guy you saw, but you don't necessarily need to `cause you're feeling gooooood about yourself.
You head to the escalator.
"Excuse me. Hi. I just noticed you. Can I introduce myself?"
Uhm. Ok. You look at the source of the voice.
Erk. Ok. Kinda old. Not grandfather old, but old enough to be your dad. Being nice, you kindly try to ease your way by saying you're busy. But he's pushy and follows you like you hold the key to the genius loci of Shangri-La (the fantastical utopia, ok not the hotel). He weasels your number (thank goodness it's just number with the option to reject or not reply) from you somehow under the pretense of finding you a position in his well-known multinational corporation.
Next thing you know, you get good mornings and eat ur lunch or eat ur dinner or Im at a meeting with people from our thailand branch. Puro sila girls. 10pm tipsy calls: "Umiinom ako. Pigilan mo ko" or replies to your resigned Why-are-you-calling-me questions with "Kasi mahal kita". Sigh. Gag me.
End of book review. I'll have a tall, coffee frap. Hazelnet syrup.
Oh and a restraining order, please. Thanks.
There were so many things in that 210 page book that I, myself, could have told anyone--and I do mean ANYONE! Girl or guy! I mean, the titles of every chapter written in the book are logical by themselves:
1. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out.
Yes. You talk non-stop on the phone till the wee hours in the morning, you text each other funny and sweet messages, and you always talk about when you do get together--for the past 2 months? 3 weeks? 6 days?
Like that guy who always claimed that he was busy with work and keeps telling you in that sweet voice, "Kasi it's your fault, you didn't make it the last time---you're the one always cancelling on me." Then when you do start planning, he's always busy.
2. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You.
Ok. You had a great time on YM that one night. Then there was this time when he was caling you non-stop. There even that bombing that happened, and as soon as he got home from the hospital, you were the first person he called. Then when his land line was cut, all you guys did was text. Then 2 weeks pass and he still hasn't paid his line--to which you don't know the number (as if naman you'll call him up). Then another week Then another week.
"I'll pay it siguro next week. Tinatamad pa ako. Hehehe. When I get the line back, sige I'll call you." Get the picture? You're just not interesting enough anymore...
3. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You.
You always see each other! You're always having a good time when you're out. So what if you're always in a group of 3 or 4 or 10 or 15... Hmm... You never seem to be alone together.
Sad thing is his text messages read as: "Wna hang wid me and my frends frm college? Mis u na eh" or "Hir at d mall. Muvi tau ni Girlie n Boyet". Dates are supposed to be one on one, where you can both get to know each other better.
4. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex With You.
Here's one guy, he really wants to boink someone. Meets up with a friend's friend. He's all excited. Even asks you for directions. Then he gets to the place, dressed in a "trying-not-to-look-cool-but-hopefully-I-am" way, waits for the date who eventually turns out to be in another coffee shop three blocks down. He walks all the way to the coffee shop and looks for the "girl in pink" when...
GODZILLA comes in and blocks the view of..... wait, Godzilla's in pink. Look to the left... No one in pink there... Look to the right... No one in pink--wait, nahhh... Meeting with a girl... A girl who sounded so cute on the phone. Sounded so worldly... So boinkable... So... So... "Oh hello again, limp noodle."
5. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex With Someone Else.
"I was drunk" or "I thought we were in an open relationship" just doesn't cut the cake. Cheating is cheating is cheating is CHEATING. And it's not your fault if you were the one cheated on.
6. He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants To See You When He's Drunk.
Remember:
1 beer or alcoholic drink of preference (sober) = "You have got to be kidding."
5 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (had a few) = "Not so bad to talk to."
10 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (few more) = "I think I'd like to kiss you."
15 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (ok, more toasts) = "Let's make out."
20 beers or alcoholic drinks of preference (for the road) = Boinky. Boinky. Boinky.
7. He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want to Marry You.
You've been out officially as a couple for 8 years. Sure you don't look as hot as you did then, but hey you can still turn heads. His parents know your parents and they've been mahjong partners since you were still running around the house being chased by your yaya.
"I'm still planning on taking my masters degree, then my doctorate, then my European tour..." That should get you saying, "Next!!!"
8. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up With You.
Something must be terribly wrong with you if you still think he wants you.
9. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared On You.
"He's asleep eh."
"He's at the office."
"Wala. Natutulog. Kumakain."
"Try the upstairs phone."
"He just got home and is so sleepy."
"He---"
I can take the hint.
Click.
10. He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married ( and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)
This is not An Affair to Remember and he's no Cary Grant who'll leave everything to be with you; but you might as well be a Deborah Kerr and get yourself crippled trying to chase him.
11. He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak.
If you end up having to make excuses for the person all the time, then there's something totally wrong with that person. No "but's". Just stop it.
vs. The 10 Meter Restraining Order
You're walking in the mall, minding your own business, thinking you look cute in your outfit. You're hoping you can catch the attention of a cute guy you saw, but you don't necessarily need to `cause you're feeling gooooood about yourself.
You head to the escalator.
"Excuse me. Hi. I just noticed you. Can I introduce myself?"
Uhm. Ok. You look at the source of the voice.
Erk. Ok. Kinda old. Not grandfather old, but old enough to be your dad. Being nice, you kindly try to ease your way by saying you're busy. But he's pushy and follows you like you hold the key to the genius loci of Shangri-La (the fantastical utopia, ok not the hotel). He weasels your number (thank goodness it's just number with the option to reject or not reply) from you somehow under the pretense of finding you a position in his well-known multinational corporation.
Next thing you know, you get good mornings and eat ur lunch or eat ur dinner or Im at a meeting with people from our thailand branch. Puro sila girls. 10pm tipsy calls: "Umiinom ako. Pigilan mo ko" or replies to your resigned Why-are-you-calling-me questions with "Kasi mahal kita". Sigh. Gag me.
End of book review. I'll have a tall, coffee frap. Hazelnet syrup.
Oh and a restraining order, please. Thanks.
posted by glady at 5/06/2005 01:58:00 AM
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